Not Ready To Make Nice
by angiehodgins
Summary: Janeway's not ready to make nice with Chakotay. More of a summary inside...


A/N: This story line popped into my head and I really don't want to write the back story because it would take me far to long so I'll give you a summery of it here.

Janeway and Chakotay were together one night, but Janeway ran from the commitment not knowing how to react to it. Chakotay felt rejected and kept his distance from Janeway.

That's it, hope you enjoy the proceeding story.

**Part One**

Setting on the bio bed Kathryn Janeway uncomfortably shifted her position. She hadn't been feeling well for nearly four months but she had just brushed it off as being upset over Chakotay. But as her feeling proceeded to get worse she figured she should get to the doctor before she could no longer do her job correctly.

As the doctor entered the room she looked to him expectantly. Coming to a stop in front of her he kept his face straight. "Captain, I'm not quite sure how your going to take this…" pausing he shifted his stance nervously. "You're nearly four months pregnant." he finally finished.

Unresponding Kathryn just sat there for a moment. She had been scared of something like this happening, but she didn't think once with him would result in a new life. Taking slow calming breaths she looked to the doctor. "Thank you doctor. I assume you know to keep this to your self." she finally said.

With a nod the doctor stepped back as Kathryn slid herself from the bio bed. As she straightened she began to wobble side to side. Reaching out he took a hold of her arm to steady her. "Will you be alright, Captain?" he asked carefully.

Gripping his arm Kathryn nodded mutely before she pushed off of him. Leaving sickbay she wasn't sure where she would go, she only knew she had to walk to move to do something. Her wandering altamently led her to his door. But she wasn't sure she wanted to see him. Wasn't sure she was ready to tell him. Uncontrolled by her mind her hand reached out, pressing in her command code to gain enter. As the doors slid open in front of her she nearly cried out at the scene in front of her. Chakotay sat on his couch kissing Seven of Nine. When a sound did escape her throat his head snapped up.

Laying eyes on Kathryn's stricken face Chakotay bolted from his place on the couch. "Kathryn?" he called to her, his voice laced in concern. When she didn't respond to him, only stumble backward colliding with the bulk head behind her. "Kath?!" he gasped as he rushed forward to her.

Her head was spinning and she felt as though the proverbial rug had been pulled out from under her. As he moved forward taking her arms in his hands she struggled deep to find the energy and strength to push him away from herself. "Don't touch me." she breathed.

"Kathryn what's the matter?" asked Chakotay as he took a step toward her once more. "Don't tell me nothing. There is clearly something's seriously wrong here." he tried.

Shaking her head violently Kathryn stepped further away from him. "You can say that again." she gasped. "Don't come any where near me… You make me sick!" she cried before she took off down the hall.

At a loss for something more to do Chakotay looked over his shoulder to Seven. "Call the doctor!" he ordered before he took off after his captain. As he made it to her door he stopped, he knew she would have engaged every security at her command and there would be no way for him to get past it all. All he could do was stand there and try her comm over and over.

Inside of her corters Kathryn had cast her Comm aside as she hurriedly gathered some of her clothes and personal items. She couldn't be here, not on the same ship with him, not at the moment. The last thing she lifted from the top of her dresser was the pocket watch Chakotay had given her for her birthday during the year of hell. Holding it close to her she ordered a site to site transport to the shuttle bay.

By the time Chakotay was alerted to Kathryn's site to site she was already gone, out the shuttle bay in the Delta Flyer and off of Voyager's scans with one jump into warp. Hitting his comm he bolted for the nearest turbo lift. "Chakotay to the bridge. The captain has left the ship in the Delta Flyer, Follow her!" He ordered.

By the time Chakotay made it to the bridge she was completely gone. Tom Paris turned in his pilots chair to look at his commander. "Sir? Are you sure the Captain was in that shuttle?" he asked.

With a lost sigh Chakotay slumped down into his command chair. "Yes, Tom. I'm positive that she is in the Delta Flyer, now somewhere out there in the Delta Quadrant all alone." with another sigh he stood, "I need all senior staff to the briefing room immediately." he ordered before making his way there himself. "Someone get the doctor to." he called over his shoulder.

Once everyone was settled into the briefing room everyone turned expectant looks to Chakotay. With a shake of his head Chakotay opened his eyes, looking up into they're faces. "I don't really know much of anything." he sighed. "She came to my corters, opened my door with her command code. I didn't hear it open… Seven and I were preoccupied." he cautiously admitted. "When I looked up to her she looked sick, stricken with pain… she stumbled back into the bulk head. When I tried to touch her, to help her she pulled away. Then she ran." he finished.

"Why would she take the Delta Flyer and leave us?" Questioned Neelix. He looked back and forth about his companions. "I mean she's never ran before. Always stuck to the captain goes down with the ship motto."

With a light shake of her head B'Elanna sighed. "I should have known something was wrong! She's been acting so strange. Always running off to the bathroom or I'd find her in a Jefferies tube… Just sitting there." she explained.

Tuvok nodded, "I must concur." he began, "The captain has not been herself lately."

Feeling as though he was disobeying a direct order the doctor lifted his head. "I may have something of value to add to this discussion." he spoke up.

When the doctor didn't continue Chakotay leaned forward, looking as though he were ready to pounce. "Continue doctor!" he ordered. "Our captain is out there by herself and there could be something wrong with her! If you know what's happening then you had better tell us!"

Fearing his program would be deleted the doctor cleared his throat. "She came to me today, not long before all of this actually." he began, "She said she had been out of sorts for the past few months. She feared it was depression or a virus." pausing he looked to all of the faces in front of him, If the captain didn't delete him for telling he knew they surely would for him not telling. "She's nearly four months pregnant." he finally blurted, having found no other way to say it.

Everyone's mouths dropped open, but none nearly as far as Chakotay's. He just sat there taking in everything that was going on around him. Everyone else began to debate rather loudly as to just how their captain had ended up in such a predicament. Finally Harry noticed that Their commander had not spoken one word sense the doctor had given his news. "What's wrong Chakotay?" he asked over the others making them turn to see what he was talking about.

Looking up Chakotay found every eye on him once more. "I… It's just…" pausing he gathered his words and tried his best to straighten them in his head. "We were on shore leave. There was a storm… everyone else had gotten off planet, it was just us… The rain, we laid together for warmth, one thing led to the other…" with that he broke off.

For a moment no one could say anything, they were all just too amazed that there command team had done what they all hoped they would but figured they wouldn't. "You mean you and the captain are going to be parents?" asked Seven.

B'Elanna couldn't help but smile, "Yeah looks like your out of luck." she said simply to the ex borg.

Before a fight could break out between B'Elanna and Seven Tom stood. He knew his wife and if Seven so much as looked at her wrong she'd go flying over the table. "So what I'm getting here is that out captain is out there all alone, pregnant and seriously going through some mental issues at the moment!?!" he asked. When no one responded, he slammed his hands down on the table, "Come on people! Lets get our thumbs out of our ass' and find our captain!" he cried.

That got everyone moving. Leaving the briefing room to tackle the tasks at had. B'Elanna stood next to her husband and looked at him with amusement, "Take our thumbs out of our ass'?" she asked.

With an innocent smile Tom shrugged, "It's from the 21st century, what can I say?" he replied.

Letting out a shuddering cry Kathryn leaned her head against the console in front of her. She had turned on the auto pilot and now she let her emotions flow from her body. She didn't know why she ran from her home, from her family, from everything she had, and in the wrong direction for earth to boot. Leaning back she tried to gather herself. She hated crying, she hadn't done it as a child and she refused to start now. What she had to do was study maps and charts in hope she could find a suitable place for her to hide a place where no one from her past would ever find her, where no one knew captain Kathryn Janeway of the USS Voyager. Somewhere she could be just plain ol' Kathryn.

Unzipping her jacket she looked down to her abdomen. She hadn't noticed that it had grown before. She had plunged herself to deep into work and seeing as how she replicated a new outfit daily and the computer always made sure it fit she had no need to notice. But now, pulling her jacket from her body before her turtle neck she lifted her tank top and ran her hand gently over her abdomen. Where there used to be only a slight pudge there was now a firm lump almost. Not all that big but when known quiet noticeable.

Pulling her shirt down she shook her head. She had to keep her condition covered as long as she could. She couldn't go about trying to deal with mean aliens clearly pregnant, they would think her a simple women and try to push her over. She couldn't have that, she needed everything she could get at the moment and she couldn't let anything stand in her way. It wasn't a whole crew she had to think of anymore. It was only her… her and her child.

**FIN**

**Part one**

**Part 2**

Nearly five moths had went by and their trail of their captain had begun to dwindle. Chakotay was becoming more and more out of sorts as they continued their search. He was worried for Kathryn and he had went over what had led to this over and over in his mind. He loved her and he knew she loved him but he still couldn't figure out why she had pushed herself away from him after their encounter on the planet. Their time had been so short but so meaningful. He could remember every second of it, the way she had felt under him, the taste of her the smell of her. The sound of her whimpers of pleasure in his ear.

The computer sounding a visitor made Chakotay stop his thought track. "Enter." he called half heartedly. When he heard the person enter he kept his back to them, "If we haven't found her then I don't want to know what news you have." he ordered softly.

At first there was no response as he listened to the person move about the ready room, Kathryn's ready room. At the sound of a trey being set on the desk Chakotay turned from the view port to see what they had brought. There in front of him was B'Elanna. "We haven't found her and will never if our Commander doesn't keep up his strength." she said bluntly.

Shaking his head he turned from her. "I'm not hungry." he said as his gaze met the stars spread out before him. "I don't think I will be until we find her."

Shaking her head in frustration B'Elanna stepped forward, taking hold of his arm and forcing him to look at her. She could see the pain and sorrow in her old friend's eyes but she couldn't let herself become soft. "Life sucks Chakotay! We all know this! But no one can run and hide from it." pausing she pulled him to the desk, "If I know anything about you and if Tuvok knows anything about Kathryn then you have nothing to worry about! You both love each other and nothing will change that unless you or her change it."

Shaking his head Chakotay slumped down into Kathryn's chair. "If she loved me she would have said something, acted apone it. You know she never does anything in moderation!" He paused and thought for a moment shaking his head, "She had her chance." he finally whispered.

Cocking her head to the side B'Elanna dropped to her knees in order to be at eye level with Chakotay. "What do you mean she had her chance?" she asked. When he didn't answer only sat there looking like a sad lost puppy she took hold of his arms and gave him a shake. "God Damn it Chakotay!! What did you do?" she asked again, her voice filled with anger and contempt.

Looking up to her Chakotay sighed. "I was with Seven when she came… I think she was going to tell me about the baby, but I was there with another… I don't know why I never seen it before but I made her run from me by breaking her heart."

Her stomach had grown so large she had become afraid of leaving her shuttle. She just stayed in space, hoping to one day find a proper place to live. Setting back in her chair she watched as the stars flew past the view screen, her eyes slowly drooping closed.

Her calm was soon disturbed by the shaking of the Delta Flyer. Shooting forward in her seat she gasped as she spotted several meteors heading for her small shuttle. Reaching out she got her hands to the controls intent on steering herself away from what could be classified as rocks of death. But it was too late. The biggest of the meteor's collided with the top of the Delta Flyer knocking out the controls. The next hit the side pushing her toward a planet some few hundred miles away.

She knew there would be no way for her to fix the controls which meant there was no way to stop herself from falling to the planet. With a shuddering breath she hit the record switch for the emergency distress signal. "This is a message to any vessel near enough to help me. My name is Kathryn Janeway and I am in distress. My controls are gone and im falling toward a planet. My cordanents are inlayed in this message." she recorded before closing her eyes, "Chakotay I need you." she said softly.

Knowing her time was running out Kathryn made her way to the back of the shuttle. Strapping herself into a seat she clung to the seats arms, preying she and her child would make it out of this situation alive at the very least. With in minutes she felt the shuttle hit the outer atmosphere of the planet. Closing her eyes tightly she tried to keep her body as relaxed as she could knowing when she hit the ground nothing would be forgiving! As the shuttle finished breaking through the atmosphere the ground became seconds away. The bottom of the shuttle smashed through the top of a large hill jerking Kathryn violently to the left, toward the front of the shuttle. Seconds later the nose of the shuttle made contact with the ground, flinging Kathryn every which way. As her restraint gave she was thrown to the floor before the shuttle hit something that stopped its movement all together sending her flying to the front of the shuttle.

As her body brutally hit the front view screen Kathryn cried out. Her left arm was sliced open by some broken glass before she plummeted to the floor once more, her head bouncing off the control panel before she landed on her right side. With her last strength she pushed herself onto her back. She knew she needed to stay awake, stay coherent but the pain in her head made her vision begin to go fuzzy forcing her to close her eyes to keep from becoming sick.

With in seconds of closing her eyes Kathryn lost consciousness. She was helpless, lying bleeding, with no hope of rescue. Her fate looked bleak and to think all she had ever wanted was love.

As his console gave a great beep Harry's head shot up. "Commander we have a distress call!" he called to Chakotay who sat in his chair.

Standing Chakotay motioned for Harry to play it. 'This is a message to any vessel near enough to help me. My name is Kathryn Janeway and I am in distress. My controls are gone and I am falling toward a planet. My cordnents are inlayed in this message.' as her voice stopped Chakotay turned to Tom, that's when he heard her whisper, 'Chakotay I need you.' "Tom!" he snapped.

Without a word Tom's hand's flew over his controls and Voyager changed course picking up every bit of speed it was capable of. "Five minutes away full speed!" he called finally as he continued his job.

With a brusque nod Chakotay made his way to the turbo lift. "Tuvok, B'Elanna, Tom your with me. Let's get our Captain back!" he ordered.

Relinquishing there stations to other crew members they each fallowed Chakotay to the turbo lift. With in the five minutes they were in a shuttle and flying out the bay doors. "Do you have a lock on her?" asked B'Elanna as she readied a place for their surly injured captain.

With a brisk nod, Tuvok looked to Chakotay, "Yes, I've sent the cordnents to the main console." he called.

Hands flying Chakotay pulled up the data, "Get us there Tom." he ordered.

Coming apone the wreckage Chakotay's heart sank. The Delta Flyer was mangled, nearly unrecognizable. "My god." whispered B'Elanna from behind him. As they prepared to land B'Elanna took hold of Chakotay's shoulders and gave a squeeze, "She's alive, I know." she assured him.

Once they landed everyone was out of the shuttle quickly, willing to do whatever it took to save there captain. Coming apone the hatch Tom discovered it jammed. "We'll have to pry it open!" he called to Tuvok and Chakotay. With that the men went to work on the back door.

Needing something to do B'Elanna wandered about to the front of the shuttle. There she spotted the broken front view screen. With no thoughts she leapt up onto the front nose of the shuttle, swiftly putting her booted foot through the glass. With in seconds she was in, leaping down onto the pilots chair she spotted Kathryn on the floor. Kneeling on the floor B'Elanna quickly checked for a pulse. When she found one she could almost cry. "Captain!" she called giving the prone woman a shake. "Kathryn Janeway! Wake up your crew needs you and that's an order!" she called in her sternest voice.

She could feel warm hands on her arms, could hear a commanding voice. Kathryn just didn't know what to do about it. With much of the strength she had left she managed to open her eyes. There over her was a woman, one she knew, "B'Elanna?" she whispered softly.

With a smile B'Elanna nodded, "Yes captain. It's going to be alright, everything will be all right." she whispered.

It took the guys nearly and hour to get the door open. By that time B'Elanna had Kathryn's arm patched up and the wound on her head. Yet she was still quite injured. Spotting Kathryn Chakotay rushed to her side. "We've got to get you back to the doctor." he exclaimed.

As he slid his arms under her Kathryn screamed. Not in anger but in pure pain. Wrapping her arms around her abdomen she tried to roll herself into a ball. "The Baby!" she finally managed to gasp.

Lifting her Chakotay began for the hatch. Only two steps out he was hit in the shoulder by a laser. Spinning Chakotay's arms loosened on Kathryn and he thought for sure he would drop her. Out of nowhere Tuvok stepped up and took hold of Kathryn rushing her back into the shuttle. Tom stopped at Chakotay's side, a laser in hand rapidly firing at whom ever was firing apone them. Pushing him back into the shuttle Tom was hot on his heels. "There's at least twenty of them out there!" he informed everyone, "What ever they are." he added.

As B'Elanna cared to Chakotay's wound Tuvok stood near Kathryn as he hit his Comm badge. "Tuvok to Voyager." he called.

"Voyager here, Did you find her?" came Harry's eager voice.

"Affirmative. We need some help the locals don't seen to want us to leave." he said receiving a look from Tom.

"I'm sending two more shuttles, they'll stay air born. Would beam but we can't get a clear lock on any of you." responded Harry.

With that Tom looked over his shoulder. "Looks like we get to wait." he said before again eyeing Tuvok. "You and me will talk later." he said.

Suddenly Kathryn again screamed out in pain. Her breaths becoming labored. Moving to her side B'Elanna took her hand. "Captain, How long have the pains been going on?" she asked.

Turning her head to her friend Kathryn squeezed her hand. "Early today." she managed through gritted teeth.

Shaking her head B'Elanna looked to Tuvok and Tom, "This baby could come at any time!" she said. She knew they could do nothing faster then the crewmen flying the shuttles could. Looking back to her Calpine she moved herself toward her feet. "Kathryn I have to remove your pants." she informed her, "I have to see how close the baby is to coming." At that she pulled her Captain's pants off, draping a blanket over her knees. With the check she discovered that if her captain were to push they would be adding a new member to the crew in minutes. Looking back up she locked eyes with Kathryn, "What ever you do don't push!" she ordered.

"I see a shuttle!" called Tom suddenly. "Pairs to the shuttle, we're here, where all the fire works are!" he called as he pulled off a few more rounds toward there attackers.

"I see you." came Sven's voice. "Moving into transporter range."

Looking back Tom motioned for Chakotay to move close to Kathryn and B'Elanna. "Take everyone but me and Tuvok. We have to get the other shuttle." he ordered Seven.

There was no response before B'Elanna, Kathryn and Chakotay disappeared in blue shimmering lights. "We have them." Seven informed Tom and Tuvok. "The other shuttle will provide cover fire long enough for you to make it to your shuttle." she added before the shuttle disappeared from their view.

Once back on the ship Kathryn was transported directly to sickbay. The Doctor hurried around her shouting to B'Elanna to help him and to Chakotay to leave seeing as how every time he neared Kathryn she would scream louder, more in anger then pain. Finally ready for the arrival of the third child aboard Voyager the doctor turned to Kathryn. "Alright Captain, on the next contraction I need you to push." he ordered.

With in seconds Kathryn was baring down growling through her teeth as she took hold of B'Elanna's offered hand. She had never imagined something women had been doing for centuries would hurt so bad. Modern women were so used to having pain medication to take the edge off but the Doctor had informed her that there would be no time for it to take effect before the baby came. Tears streamed down her face as pain exploded through her body. Her strength began to falter and she wanted nothing more then to stop, to lay back and say I quit.

As B'Elanna felt Kathryn's body begin to go lax on her arm that supported her back she looked to her. Her eyes were drifting and she looked as though she were about to pass out. "Captain you have to do this." she urged "If you stop with the baby out only a bit, it could suffocate."

With a cry Kathryn shook her head, "I can't!" she cried. Her voice weak and strained she let her head drop back, hanging limply against B'Elanna's arm.

At first B'Elanna didn't know what to do, how to make her do what she had to do. Thinking as quickly as she could she tried to remember just what had urged her to go through birthing her daughter just months earlier. She'd had the need to see her child to bring her into the world safely. But Kathryn couldn't see things the way she had. All she could see was the pain and the fact that she had been brought back to a ship that held the man that had put her in this situation, alone. Like a flash of lightning it hit her, just what she needed to do. Smacking her comm badge she looked up to the ceiling, "Torres to Chakotay." she called.

"Chakotay here." came his response quickly.

"Get back in here." she said simply. Two seconds later Chakotay hurried through the door. When her eyes fell on him she shook her head. He had to have been standing right outside the door. "Get over here and help me help her." she ordered.

With no words Chakotay moved to Kathryn's other side taking hold of her hand. When she felt someone take her hand her eyes snapped open. They were pained and soft until they fell on Chakotay. She instantly pulled her hand from his and turned to B'Elanna. "Get him out of here." she said simply, her voice re-gaining the stern captain tone.

Shaking her head B'Elanna pushed against Kathryn's back. "He's not leaving until this baby is born!" she deadpanned. "Now you better buck up some strength and deliver this baby or he's going to be standing right there for a long time."

Her eyes flickered with what could only be described as flames and she leaned forward, bearing down she pushed with all of her might. She screamed and cried sputtering for breath as she tried her best to get her situation over as soon as she could. Soon her head was spinning from the lack of oxygen and her body felt as though it were being ripped into two parts. Just as soon as the doctor smiled to her declaring her a mother she fell back against B'Elanna's arm unconscious.

Chakotay looked startled. Staring down at Kathryn, who's hand now drooped over the edge of the bio bed. With a confused gaze he watched as the doctor handed B'Elanna the somber infant before he turned taking hold of a tri corder. Chakotay stepped back as the doctor moved to Kathryn's side running the scanner over her body. His breath rushed from him when the Doctor spoke again his tone laced with serious concern.

"B'Elanna take the baby back to your corters, have Tom check her over there." he said urgently. Moving quickly he turned again retrieving some metallic strips. "Chakotay remove her top and place one of these over her heart and one on each temple." he ordered. When Chakotay didn't move the doctor took hold of his arms. "Chakotay get a hold of yourself! I need help or I'm afraid we'll lose her." he stressed.

At that Chakotay moved, doing what he had been ordered. He couldn't believe he was here again, standing over Kathryn bleeding, dying on a bio bed. But there was an ever more stressing matter at hand in the form of her… THEIR new born daughter. He could never raise her on his own, she needed her mother. He couldn't lose HIS Kathryn again, not to something so permanent, not to death. Standing back from the bio bed to keep himself from touching her Chakotay listened to the sounds all around him, the doctor cursing under his breath as his work seemed to be in vain, the sound of Kathryn's heart monitor beating ever so slowly until it suddenly stopped, the sound being substituted with a long shrill tone.

Now he tuned into watching her completely. Her body jerked violently as the doctor tried to revive her, before it again slumped against the bio bed listlessly. His hands began to shake as he struggled for breath. Tears slid down his cheeks. He had loved her sense he had first gotten to know her. Her quick wit, sly nature and head strong way. He had found he loved everything about her when she left. It didn't matter to him when she pulled on her Captain's mask and took on the persona. She was still HIS Kathryn under it all. The composed features and stiff stance. The shield that washed everything from her, but the quick temper… that was all Kathryn! She was soft, insecure and breakable. She held a compassionate soul that made her unable of not caring for living craechers. At first at least, then if you crossed her she would blow you to pieces.

Suddenly Kathryn's body arched without the doctor's help and she gasped in greedily for air. Letting her body fall back onto the bio bed she weakly raised her arms to her chest before turning her head toward the doctor. She was unable to make any words so her eyes did all the talking, showing her need for explanations and the need for her child.

The doctor moved to her side quickly as he tapped his comm badge, "Doctor to Paris." he called out.

"Paris here, How's the Capitan, Doc?" came Tom's reply.

With a roll of his eyes he fought the urge to correct Tom on the way to use the comm system. "She's awake. I need your hands down here and the Capitan would like to see her daughter." he explained.

"Just let B'Elanna drop Miral off at Sam's and she'll be there. My ETA is on the way." responded Tom quickly before he cut the comm link.

Minutes later Tom was there working around Kathryn as was the doctor. She gave half glares and light remarks as they worked but the lack of her snaps and slaps had Tom's face etched with concern. Nearly an hour later Tom stepped back next to Chakotay and watched as B'Elanna gently handed the quiet baby to her mother.

The Doctor, Tom and B'Elanna had made sure Chakotay was unable to confront their captain knowing she wasn't in the position to have a knock down drag out fight with him. With both strength and compassion B'Elanna guided him to the hall. "Will you at least let her rest?" she asked urgently her voice coming out in a hiss.

Turning on B'Elanna Chakotay's eyes were wide. "Let her rest? Do you not remember that we have spent the last five months tiring to find her! She took off and left us, pregnant, with my child and alone in the delta quadrant." he challenged.

Stepping closer rather then away B'Elanna locked her eyes with his, "That's what this matter stems to and don't you dare try to deny it! She held your child inside of her and left… Get a grip Chakotay! She's a woman, flesh and blood. Do you even realize the position you put her in?" she asked. When he just stare at her she shook her head, "Your dumber then I remember! As I see it she came to tell you she was with child, to see your reaction, test the waters so to speak. You were there with Seven!" she didn't even try to hide the contempt in her voice for the ex borg.

"Get to the point!" hissed Chakotay, seemingly forgetting who he was having an altercation with.

Stepping forward all the more angry B'Elanna pushed him harshly against the bulk head. "You broke her heart! With a broken heart people don't think clearly! Look inside yourself and tell me, is your heart broken?" she asked.

Looking into her eyes he could see what she was doing and knew it was up to him to either listen and have a chance or ignore and lose everything. "Yes." he finally responded, "It hurts that she left me and didn't tell me about our daughter."

With a nod B'Elanna let her grip slid from him, "So you can't see right now that you're the one that broke her heart first. Any pushing away on her half before the baby was a precaution for her. If you would have just stuck with her and shown her everything that you could have together you wouldn't be here." she explained. "Give her some time, let her adjust to being back and to being a new mother. She's weak, one more crack and I think she'll break." she eased. Stepping back from him she let her natural spark light up her eyes, "If you do break her… Old friend or not I will break you." she dead panned before she re-entered sick bay.

Chakotay stood there for a moment just thinking over B'Elanna's words. He'd thought over this after Kathryn had left, he'd thought long and hard about how she had found him with Seven. He'd put himself in her place and re-thought and both times he had come up with the same thing, She'd been pissed pure and simple. But now. Had her heart been broken? Had he killed her inside with out even knowing it? With a shake of his head and a heavy sigh he headed for his corters. He had to think some more.

Inside sick bay Kathryn lay on a bio bed looking down at her tiny new born daughter. "Have you decided on a name Captain?" asked Tom from a med consol. When Kathryn looked at him blankly he smiled even brighter. "I need one for the annocements." he explained.

For a long moment she looked down into the small innocent face a light smile playing across her lips. "Kesandra Gretchen Janeway." she finally responded, "Kes."

The doctor grinned, "Your naming her for Kes?" he asked.

With a nod she shifted, wincing in pain. "Her soul was so pure she has to go on" she said simply, "And she forever will."

With that Tom hit his Comm badge. "Luteneit Paris to the crew. I have two annocements to make at this time. First OUR Captain is finally back where she belongs and second… We have added a new member to the crew, Kesandra Gretchen Janeway, born today at 17:53. 6 ½ lbs 19 in. with a head full of hair. "

**FIN 2**

**Part 3**

Leaning back in her favorite chair Kathryn closed her eyes and tried her best to relax. Seeing how this was normally the easiest way for her unwind, but the knowledge that she was back home, no matter how comforting it should have been, had her on edge. She knew Chakotay could be outside of her corters at any time demanding to see Kesandra. She didn't want to keep him from her it was just that she knew he'd insist that he be fully involved and she wasn't sure she could share with him and Seven. The Ex borg had been nearly like a daughter to her, straining to learn and become more human. Yet when it came to everything else Seven was nothing more then the one standing in her way.

Heaving a sigh she stood back up, "Tea, hot." she called to the replicater as she approached it. As the cup materialized she took a deep breath before taking it. As she turned back to her chair she sighed as Kesandra began to cry. Moving swiftly she deposited her cup on her side table before moving into her dark bedroom. Stopping next to the small crib at the end of her bed Kathryn leaned down gently lifting her daughter into her arms. "What is it my girl?" she asked softly, "Did you have a bad dream?"

Kesandra slowly stopped crying as she looked up into her mothers face. It seemed as though she understood every word that was spoke to her. For a long moment, after Kathryn had sat down in her chair, they both just stared into each other. Blue eyes studying blue eyes. The sound of the door chime broke their gaze, "Computer who's at the door?" she quarried.

"Crew men Neelix and Crew men Wildmen." responded the computers brisk voice.

With a light smile Kathryn looked to the door, "Enter." she called.

After the door swished open Neelix and Naomi entered her corters. "I hope we aren't intruding." said Neelix cautiously.

With her classic side smile Kathryn shook her head. "Your not." she replied, "As it happens she just woke up a couple minutes ago." turning to Naomi she smile broadened, "And how's my assistant? I see you kept my ship for me while I was gone."

At that Naomi grinned, "Yes Captain. I did my best with lessons and all." she responded. After a pause she leaned forward, "You know I really missed you." she whispered.

With a smile Kathryn handed Kesandra to Neelix before she stood. Facing Naomi she knelt down embracing the girl in a fierce hug. "I missed you too Naomi! I missed all of you ever single day." pulling back she looked into the girls deep brown eyes, "You know I'd never leave you all unless there was something happening to me that I didn't want to affect all of you. Right?"

Naomi nodded before she took Kathryn's hand. "But you know that if you ever need anything, that we're here. All of us?" she asked.

With a nod Kathryn took Kesandra from Neelix before lowering her to Naomi's height. "Kes." she whispered to her daughter, "I'd like you to meet my assistant, Naomi Wildmen. I know you'll love her when you grow." Then turning her attention to Naomi she tilted Kes toward her. "Naomi, I'd like you too meet my daughter, Kesandra Janeway."

Naomi grinned as she took Kes' small hand in hers. "It's very nice to meet you…" faltering she looked to Kathryn. At a nod she looked back to the baby. "Kes." she finished.

Within minutes Naomi was settled in feeding Kes a bottle while Neelix and Kathryn sat at her dinning table enjoying some tea, "You know at my place as the moral officer I feel it's my place to say that the crew's worried about you. You've secluded yourself and everyone thinks there's something wrong." he stressed quietly.

Shaking her head Kathryn looked up to the shaggy alien. "I don't know what to say." she began, "There's so many different things and I know I have to face them at some point in time, but right now…" her voice faltered as she looked back into her cup.

"Your heart's not strong enough?" asked Neelix softly as he looked to her intently. Kathryn could barely manage to look at him let alone speak and tell him he was right. With a solom nod Neelix set his cup aside. "Captain, No matter what has happened to you you're the only one that can keep this crew up and moving the way we can." Taking her hand he made her eyes meet his, "Right now how I see it, he's just as heart broken as you. You both wronged each other, now you have to put aside who wronged who first and think about how you want this to come out. Do you love him?" he asked.

Closing her eyes Kathryn couldn't stop the tears, "How can I?" she asked simply.

Shaking her hand he regained her attention. "Look at your little girl. Do you want her to grow up with any type of hate for her father?" he asked.

Looking over to Naomi she could see Kes' little face peek out of her blanket. Her eyes may have been blue but with her tanned skin and black hair there was no denying who her father was. "No." she finally answered softly. "But how am I supposed to ever forgive him for what he did to me? My heart and soul?" she asked her voice soft, her words cracking.

Neelix sputtered a bit before he shook off his hesitation. "Can I ask you something?" he asked slowly. When she nodded mutely he took a deep breath, "Do you know why he did what he did? Whatever it was?" he asked.

For a long while Kathryn sat there quietly thinking going over the events of that day. Her emotions had been running high that day and she hadn't stayed around to confront either of them. She had been lucky that her legs had supported her long enough to make it to her corters. There she had collapsed onto her couch and cried for a good moment unable to lift herself, then she had realized that her undoubtly be on his way to find her to see what was the matter. That's what had given her strength to make it away. Looking back up to Neelix she shook her head slightly, "No, I don't." she responded.

Tightening his grip on her hand he eased forward, "Why don't you give him enough of a chance to at least tell you his side of the story?" he suggested, "Then if you still don't see a point to him being with you okay, his chance can be up."

Nodding slowly Kathryn turned again to Kes and Naomi. She couldn't stop her tears. She knew she had to try to give Chakotay a second chance to be fully in Kesandra's life. In her life. Taking in a shuddering breath Kathryn faintly heard Neelix say good-bye, numbly felt Kes placed into her arms. As she heard the doors hiss shut she slowly gained her footing, walking carefully she made her way to her bed. There she climbed in and laid on her side, Kes snuggly pressed against her as she laid and thought.

Eight days after Kes' birth Chakotay was nearly knocked back when Kathryn called him over their comm's. He could tell from the very first sound of her voice that she was stressed and wasn't getting enough sleep. "Chakotay here." he responded cautiously.

There was a long pause and for a moment Chakotay thought she had disengaged the link. Then he heard the sound of Kes cooing, "I was thinking you may like to come and see Kesandra." she began. "Maybe dinner, then we can talk." she finished fading off.

Chakotay could tell she didn't really want to be talking to him, so she must have been pushing herself. "Only if you really want me there." he said cautiously.

A gain there was a long pause before Kathryn responded. "If I've asked you then I must want you here." she said bluntly, "Janeway out."

Standing still Chakotay hadn't noticed Tom enter the room. "What did you really do?" he asked. Startling his commander.

Turning Chakotay spotted Tom, "What do you want Paris?" he asked.

With a shrug Tom risked a few steps forward. "I'd like to know why the Captain sounded so angry with you." he asked.

Looking to the younger man quizzically Chakotay stepped forward, "How the hell do you know if she was mad or not?" he asked.

"Her voice was tight and a bit strained and she was quick, no jokes with you like normal, no nothing. What did you do?" he asked again. When he again got no response Tom shook his head. "You know if you don't want my help to solve this its your problem."

Chakotay shook his head, "No, Tom I don't want or need your help!" he said harshly. With no expressions Tom turned and left, he knew something big was going to happen, but now everyone would be ready.

Once Tom was gone Chakotay began to pace. "So she wants to be mad?" he mumbled to himself. "Well I'll show her mad. If anyone has any right to be mad its me!" he growled.

When Chakotay arrived at her corters Kathryn Called for him to enter from her place across the room. Holding Kes her grasp tightened on her when she notice the way he walked and the way he looked her over. "Chakotay." she said softly.

Stopping in front of her he gazed down at her. The way she tensed, her body stiffening. "Is this my daughter?" he asked.

Taken slightly aback by the harshness in his tone Kathryn pulled Kes back closer to her body. "This is OUR daughter." she snapped back. She could tell by the way her daughter began to tense in her hands that she could feel the tension between her parents. "I think your demeanor is scaring her." said Kathryn stiffly as she looked down into Kes' startled eyes.

Chakotay let his gaze slip to the infant. She looked so tiny, even in her mothers patiet hands. Her head was covered in a thick mass of black hair, her eyes the same blue as her mother's. She was dressed in a baby purple dress that fell away from her tiny feet to show ruffled socks. "Let me hold her." he finally ordered.

Looking to him Kathryn thought of telling him no. That he needed to leave. But she found herself standing, walking to him and placing her daughter in his large hands. "Don't raise your voice or make sudden movements." she instructed.

Looking down into the tiny face of the small form that barely weighed anything to his hand he fought to keep his face from softening. In one instant he knew this little girl would have him wrapped around her little finger. But at the moment he was angry with her mother. He would have all the time in the world to love her once he settled everything there was between Kathryn and himself.

Within an hour Kes was asleep in her crib, leaving Kathryn and Chakotay in the living area alone. Standing next to the window Kathryn sipped her tea. "What is your problem tonight?" she asked before she turned to him. Locking blue eyes with brown. "I thought you were supposed to come here so we could work things out." she explained.

Staring into her eyes Chakotay felt the anger of the past few months wash over him. "You were the one that invited me here with pure anger in your voice." he finally managed.

Setting her cup aside Kathryn approached him. "Anger?" she began in mid step. "You have no idea the anger I've carried around for so long now! I was confused at first. I didn't know if I really could break protocol. Then I started seeing small things between you and Seven. I thought… No, I brushed it off as nothing. Then the day I find out about Kes. I went to tell you! To see your reaction to being a father." She faltered and shook her head a bit, "You were there with her…"

This time Chakotay broke in. "You have no right!!" he snapped, "You should never have entered my corters un announced! That was no right of yours!"

"…And going off behind my back that was right?" she asked.

Chakotay stepped even closer, nearly touching her. "We were never together!" He growled. "We had a night. You pulled away from me… What the hell else was I supposed to do?" he asked his voice raising. "Was I supposed to step back like the good little pet I am? Wait all the longer for you to be mine?" when Kathryn tried to step back from him he reached out taking hold of her arms. "Well guess WHAT CAPTAIN KATHRYN JANEWAY of the USS Voyager… You waited too damned long for me!"

Letting her temper flare Kathryn shoved at Chakotay's chest, "You know Chakotay it takes a hell of a lot of make me real mad… and you've done it." She stated coldly.

At first Chakotay thought she was going to cry, her bottom jaw giving a quiver. Then out of nowhere her right fist was in his face. Catching him off guard she caught him in his left eye. Before he had a chance to straighten she was at his side grabbing his uniform. He felt incredible strength come from her as she ordered her door open before she tossed him out on his ass, so to speak.

Minutes later in sick bay the doctor ran a dermal regenerator over Chakotay's left eye, "How exactly did you get this, commander?" he asked.

Looking to the Doctor Chakotay jerked away, "You don't really need to know." he said shortly, still not able to give up on his anger.

With a short look the doctor studied Chakotay's bruise quickly, "By the looks of it, it was made by a small fist." he concluded. "The Captain maybe?" he quarried.

With no other words Chakotay stood and exited sick bay. He thought he could catch some quiet time, figure out everything she had said to him. But he was caught by B'Elanna, a very unhappy looking B'Elanna. He didn't even get one word out before she had her hand firmly clasped around his upper arm, pulling him down the corridor. She said nothing as they walked and from the look on her face he wasn't saying anything either. Finally they stopped in front of his corters, she looked up to him and he silently entered his code before walking in.

When the doors slid shut she let lose! Turning her eyes were on fire, her nostrils flared. "What makes you think you can go into her corters and fight with her?" she began as she advanced upon him. "Let's forget for now that she's a woman, she's Kathryn. She is our Captain and what you did is so far out that I should be dragging your ass to the brig after the rest of your old crew gets to beat you to their liking!" She ranted.

Throwing his hands up Chakotay glared at her, "What makes you think you can come to my corters and fight with me? I am your commander!" he growled.

Pulling her fists down B'Elanna tried her best to controlle her anger. "You're my friend! I don't want you to screw up your life with the one you love!" she challenged. "Tom already told me he spoke with you and that before he could explain everything he was trying to say you told him you didn't want his help! He was only trying to help you, you mule headed Indian!" she shouted.

"Just leave me alone!" he shouted back before turning from her to go to his bedroom.

She wouldn't let him off that easily. Stepping forward she grabbed his arms, spinning him around she pushed him down onto his couch. "NO!" she hissed, "You will sit here and listen to me! Tom already got his for letting you go with a hot head!" When he made no try to interject she continued. "He was going to tell you to go into it with a level head and not to let your temper get the best of you! We all know when she's felt betrayed you better get the hell out of her way and you stepped right in the line of fire willingly." pausing she shook her head, "What were you thinking or would you rather, what were you not thinking!"

Pushing himself up from the couch Chakotay let his anger take over his actions, his hands darted out, making contact with her shoulders as he shoved her back from himself. "I don't have to tell you anything!" he growled.

Moving forward B'Elanna let her Klingon temper take over. She shoved him back and quickly ducked his oncoming fist. With a war cry she plunged her shoulder into his lower abdomen rushing forward until she felt him hit the bulkhead.

Pain wasn't an issue for Chakotay at the moment as he regained his breath. Bringing his left fist into B'Elanna's stomach he pressed forward when he heard her breath leave her. He didn't realize though that his coffee table was not far behind her. Within a second they were both tumbling over the coffee table smashing his vase and several glasses. He had thought he could get the upper hand yet as he found himself under her with her fist flying toward his face. There was nothing he could do as her fist hit his right eye. Within seconds he regained himself and grasped her wrists tightly, "Stop now before you regret this!" he hissed breathlessly.

Pressing down on his hands she locked her eyes on his. "You know if I don't do this you'll regret it!" she hissed before she twisted her arms in, pulling her feet up and over his head she managed to quickly gain her footing before she yanked her wrists from his grasp. Spinning she backed up and waited for him to stand, "You know you want to hit some one right now!" she called "Hit me I hit back with just as much power!"

Turning Chakotay headed for her at full speed. Putting his head down he tried to ram her, only he didn't see that she had slipped out of his way. As he passed she smacked his ass, regaining a bit of her self. Then he hit the bulkhead full on, nearly knocking himself unconscious. As he turned he forced his eyes to focus on B'Elanna, "Why can't you just let me brood?" he asked lightly.

Letting her fists fall B'Elanna sighed, "Because I'd much rather you take your aggression out on me then on her. She doesn't need this right now! I'm up for a fight every minute of the day." she said simply.

Wincing Chakotay pushed himself up and started when her hand was thrust out in front of him. When he looked up he noted she no longer looked mad. Carefully he took her hand and let her help him to his feet. Leaning against the bulkhead he took a couple of breaths before he spoke again. "I' d never hit her." he finally said softly. "If I wanted to I could have tonight. But I didn't."

"Never said you'd hit her." snapped B'Elanna. "Just your temper clouds your judgment and you tend to yell … And look like a bear!"

Shaking his head Chakotay found that his anger was gone. His body hurt like hell, but his anger was gone. "Yeah, well, you're a Black Panther. Scary as hell." he joked. When she did chuckle he moved forward. "Thanks for that." he said softly.

With a lopsided smile B'Elanna patted his shoulder. "Why don't you sit down and store the fact that I am always right some place where you can remember it easily." she said as she guided him to the couch. Once they were seated she rubbed her stomach. "You know that really hurt! It's still tender from Miral." she sighed.

"Sorry." he apologized.

Waving her hand she forestalled any more words from him, "Off that and on to what you need to talk about at this moment." she began. "Why don't you tell me your side, I know her side and I can tell you how to take this so you don't end up losing her." pausing she looked closely to his face. "Oh, Sorry for the bruise. Least now you got a matching set." she apologized as she reached her hand up toward his right eye.

Pushing her hand aside Chakotay groaned. "No, I've already ruined everything."

"You sure don't know women." she chuckled. "You've both been angry and you two need to work through it. This was just some letting off the overly held steam. It can be better if you work for it."

The next day Kathryn was still shaken over what had went on between herself and Chakotay. He had seemed so different from the Chakotay she remembered. They had had yelling wars in her ready room, his corters and hers before but none where he had a sense of foreboding, where he looked as though he would strike her. She had been so scared her body was shaking but she wouldn't let him try to order her about.

She had tried her best to put up her Captain mask and let it all slid from her like she had been able too, once. It had pulled into place but had set off kilter, letting the overwhelming emotions she felt slip through. She was sure he had seen them, her eyes becoming moist and her lips unable to stop from trembling. But she had stood her ground and she had even struck… Placing her hand over her mouth her eyes widened. She had struck Chakotay. Popped him right in the eye.

Standing from her seat on the couch she made her way to the replicator. "Coffee, Black, Hot." she ordered. By the time she made it to the replicator a steaming silver mug had materialized in the wall mounted replicator. Taking the mug into her hands she inhaled the smell deeply before she tipped it to her mouth, letting the hot liquid wash over her tongue before it slid down her throat. Like the old days she felt her bodies tension relax some nearly instantly. At the sound of her doors entry request she turned, "Enter." she said softly as she watched intently to see just who would enter.

B'Elanna entered Kathryn's corters slowly, Five month old Miral held closely to her. "Captain." she called.

With a smile Kathryn set her cup aside and approached B'Elanna "Over here." she said as she came up to her.

Turning B'Elanna scanned Kathryn quickly, finding no sign of bodily harm she cautiously smiled. "I just thought Miral and I would come over and pay you and Kes a visit." she managed to say smoothly.

Looking down to the small Miral in her mothers arms Kathryn's eyes softened. She had her mother's darker skin tone and Klingon ridges, but she had her fathers blue eyes and blond hair. She was so stunning. "May I?" she asked as she motioned to the alert infant.

With a nod B'Elanna relented her daughter, "Where's Kes?" she asked. Just before Kathryn could respond a cry was heard from the bed room. "May I?" she asked. Kathryn inclined her head and B'Elanna went off. In Kathryn's dark bed room she easily found the small crib at the end of the bed. Inside Kes stopped crying when the large figure appeared over her. "Hello little girl." whispered B'Elanna as she reached down slipping her hands under the tiny body before lifting her into her arms. Making her way back into the main living area she looked to Kathryn, "I kind of miss Miral being this small." she admitted.

Kathryn nodded in understanding as she shifted a fussy Miral to her shoulder. "I know what you mean! I can't wait for Kes to get this big! Yet I know when she does I'll wish she was little again."

With a nod B'Elanna looked to the couch, "How about we sit?" she asked, "She's getting to want to sit up more, I'm sure she'll calm if she can." she said motioning to Miral.

Moving to the couch mutely Kathryn sat, shifting Miral to her lap, allowing her to face her mother and Kes. "You're not just here for a visit B'Elanna, you've been to see Chakotay I assume." she began. "I know you know his side…"

"I know your side as well." interrupted B'Elanna. "You don't have to explain anything to me. After you left I saw all of the after math. The way Chakotay avoided Seven like the plague. She was so confused, but the doctor had told us that you were pregnant… the sinour crew at least." she paused and took Kathryn's hand. "You know I know him. He's been a real good friend of mine for a real long time. But what he did last night… It made me so angry." she admitted.

Shaking her head Kathryn unconsciously began to rub Miral's back. "But I'm the one that struck him." she said softly.

"And he deserved it." agreed B'Elanna. "He should never have come here so angry. If you asked him here you obviously were doing it with a level head, he should have at least sowed you the same courtesy."

"But, I've thought about it. I over reacted by leaving the ship. I didn't give him a fair chance." she said softly. "I was pregnant with his child and I just left without giving him a chance to explain. He had no reason to think that we were involved seeing as how I pushed away from him and more or less made him feel that I had pushed him out for good."

"He's hard headed, just give him a couple of days to go over what I told him today and I'm sure he'd be more then willing and more open then ever to what ever you have to tell him." said B'Elanna.

Locking her eyes on B'Elanna's Kathryn swallowed, "I was just so scared after… you know. We were such good friend's and we went off and did that. I was still his captain and we had to be the command team that Voyager needed. But I couldn't see that happening, staying the same after we went over the lines of protocol." she confessed.

Shaking her head B'Elanna shifted Kes in her arms. "You don't have to tell me any of this. That's for Chakotay. Just promise me one thing." she said. When Kathryn nodded she tried to smile. "When the time comes, don't put up your captain's mask." she said simply.

With a weak smile Kathryn nodded once more. "Just Kathryn. Gotcha." she whispered.

When Kathryn did again have a chance to speak with Chakotay she made sure that Kes was not there. She wouldn't chance him regaining his anger and upsetting her. She knew her daughter was now only a little over a week old but she seemed to understand so much. Setting in her chair she wore a light sun dress, her hair, now just below her shoulders was laid out over her back. She was trying her best to be Kathryn, to be the woman she knew he loved. To be the woman that had fallen in love with him. But she found it so hard. She was still her, nothing had chanced but the sense of being a women scorned. He was the one who had changed so dramatically. She didn't know quite what to think. Either he had chosen to forget everything he felt and became a hermit in her absence… or… he was just as hurt by her actions as she was with his.

God how she hoped he was hurt. Hurt she could handle. They could make that better together. But loss of faith and the casting off of everything that ever made you feel. That they would never get over and it would be a long cold ride home.

Rubbing his hands together Chakotay paced his corters a bit taking deep breaths. He had to be in Kathryn's corters in minutes and he wanted to make sure he knew just how he would go about this. "Be yourself." he mumbled, mentally going over the list B'Elanna had given him. "Don't touch unless touched first, that is unless her eyes go soft and she's close." continuing his pacing he shook his head. She had given him to many things to think about. "Don't get angry under any circumstances."

Stopping in his tracks Chakotay closed his eyes tightly, "Don't get angry under any circumstances." he repeated. "Yeah like your one to talk B'Elanna…" with a pause he rubbed his forehead, "What if she gets mad first? I can't get made back… B'Elanna would kick my ass again…" Moving to his door Chakotay threw up his arms, "Cut and run, when it gets bad the maquies best line of offence." he said as he headed out of his corters to hers.

When her door chime sounded Kathryn nearly bolted from her chair, yet when she thought twice she decided not to. She would be calm and even, she would not tense her body when her neared her in fear and she would not allow her breaths to skip in start. "Enter." she finally called smoothly.

Entering Kathryn's corters Chakotay noted that they were fully lit instead of her normal dim lighting. She sat in her chair. The one he had sat in many time during her absence, a good thinking chair. "Hello." he said softly. "Thanks for giving me a second chance."

Turning to him Kathryn could see doubt and what almost looked like fear in his eyes. He looked like her Chakotay. With her Signicher side smile Kathryn rose from her seat. "What kind of a captain would I be if I didn't give you a fair shot?" she asked lightly.

Sensing her light hearted mood Chakotay let a light wisp of a smile play across his lips. "Well, not to sound cruel or anything," he began slowly. "But the crew would probably call you a hard ass captain then." he finished with humor lacing his voice.

At this Kathryn couldn't help the light chuckle that erupted from her throat. "I don't see that happening any time soon." she chided before moving toward her replicator. "Would you like something to drink, Chakotay?" she asked.

Watching her move Chakotay couldn't help it when his eyes drifted down her body. "Sure." he said softly, hoping that she wouldn't turn toward him.

Letting her eyes slide to her mirror next to her replicator Kathryn allowed herself a sly grin. Chakotay was checking her out. She had just had a baby and he was still looking over her body intently. If that didn't boost a girls mood and feel for herself she had no clue what did. "Two glass' red wine." she ordered briskly. Taking hold of the glass' she turned to she Chakotay giving her a look. "The doctor say's one glass of whine a day is good for everyone." she said simply before she crossed the room, handing him his.

Taking the glass she offered him Chakotay looked to her intently. "Aren't you breast feeding?" he asked simply.

With a quick nod Kathryn took a drink of her whine before crossing to her couch. "As I said the doctor says its good for people to consume one glass of whine a day. Something a bout Italy back in the nineteenth and twentieth centceries." she explained.

For a moment Chakotay just looked to her before he moved forward, taking the seat next to her. "I'll believe you." he said simply, "Only cause I know you'd never do any harm to Kesandra."

Kathryn turned more toward him and lightly let her head tilt toward the back of the couch. "What about you?" she asked softly. "I'm not asking because I want to be cruel and hurtful or anything. It's just the only way I've seen you sense I've been back. The only way Kes has seen you." she explained.

Looking down to his lap Chakotay heaved a sigh. "I'm sorry about that." he said softly. "Tom… he tried to tell me to be level headed. But how he started it… you know Tom." he tried to explain.

With a slow nod Kathryn placed a supporting hand on his knee, the old Kathryn slipping back into play. "He commented making you angry. Just not at him." she said softly.

With a nod Chakotay continued. "He said you had sounded angry." he said easily. Seeing her eyes flicker he shrugged. "I know we were both pretty angry. I just should have let mine simmer a bit more and maybe listened to Tom. Then You wouldn't feel any need to be afraid of me." Carefully he brought a hand up to her face, gently letting his fingers brush over her jaw. "You know… I will not hurt you or our daughter. You're my best friend and I never want that to change." With a pause he placed his other hand over hers on his knee. "We've just added to what we have. You've given me the gift of a new life, a part of me that will go on after I'm gone and the best part of that is that she's also a part of you."

Kathryn smiled before she turned her hand under his grasping it. "Okay, I forgive you. You forgive me?" she asked almost sounding sheepish.

"For everything but one." he began slowly. "Why'd you have to run off track to home?" he asked. When she was not forth coming with a response he sighed. "Okay… How about the simple question of this way?"

With a shrug Kathryn looked out the window. "Were heading home now. I only went a month off course." she finally responded.

Suddenly both of their comm badges beeped. "Tuvok to all hands… We have spotted several ships on our outer scans and they appear to be headed in our direction, weapons are up. All hands to battle stations." boomed Tuvok's voice.

Both Kathryn and Chakotay were on there feet heading for the door. Kathryn hit her comm as they went. "Captain Janeway to Crew men Wildmen." she called.

"Wildmen here Captain." came Sam's voice quickly.

"I need you to be in charge of all three children during this." she ordered quickly as she and Chakotay made it to a turbo lift.

"Yes, Ma'am. I'll inform Torres." she replied before ending the connection.

As soon as Kathryn and Chakotay made it to the bridge the ship was rocked savagely. Kathryn was flung forward, over the railing while Chakotay was knocked to the side hitting Tuvok's station. "Report." cried Kathryn as she struggled to stand.

"They've hit our starboard side ma'am!" called Harry, "Not much damage."

"But one hell of a boom!" shouted Tom.

Turning to the view screen she saw four ships, each a half the size of Voyager. They were attempting to surround them. "Open a channel!" she called. The first thing the Starfleet guide said to do. "This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the U.S.S Voyager." she began her message in her old, nearly robotic voice. "To the alien vessels attacking us… Could you please cease fire and explain to me what exactly we've done?"

There was a long pause before Chakotay stepped up to the railing, "They're not answering." he said softly.

"They are powering weapons captain." called Tuvok.

"Alright." muttered Kathryn as she turned to her chair, her lips pouted at what they were making her do. Chakotay scrambled to his seat when he recognized the look on her face. Just as her bottom touched her seat she raised her head. "Return fire, take out there propulsion." she ordered.

Chakotay smiled, she was back. "Tom, evasive maneuvers" he ordered. Turning to look at her he noticed her eyes on him. "Lets protect our home and family." he said firmly as he took her hand.

With a half smile Kathryn squeezed his hand. "Alright, lets do what we have to do." Just as soon as her words escaped her lips the ship shook again, throwing her from her seat before several of the panels exploded, one narrowly missing Tuvok. Struggling to stand and check on her crew Kathryn was only thrown to the floor once more. This time parts of the ceiling began to fall around her fallen form.

Pushing up from the floor quickly as a beam just missed his side Chakotay looked to his side. There Kathryn lay on the floor, her body slightly under a beam. Knowing not to stand he scrambled on his hands and knees to get to her, "Tuvok!" he shouted, "Screw being nice about it! Kill the fuckers!" he shouted. Making it to her side her noticed that her body was not all the way under the beam. "Kathryn." he called as he took a hold of her shoulders, pulling her out.

With a mumbled response Kathryn took a hold of Chakotay's arms as he pulled her free. "I'm okay." she finally managed. Setting back on her knees she surveyed the bridge before looking back to the view screen. Tuvok had dumped eight handy bombs out and as they connected with two of the ships they exploded, leaving only two more.

"Get ready for a perfect shot, Tuvok!" called Tom as his fingers flew over his console, maneuvering the ship back around the two remaining ships. Giving Tuvok a clear shot at both of the ships cores. Like the marksmen he is he skillfully fired two shots taking both ships out before Tom flew them away, back onto there path.

Helping Kathryn stand Chakotay looked her over. "Are you alright? Do you need to go to sick bay?" he asked carefully as he let his hands slid down her body.

Pushing his hands from her, Kathryn pushed back, "I need Kes." she said simply before she briskly left the bridge. Chakotay right on her heels.

At Sam's corters Naomi opened the door ushering her in. Inside Sam had wedged herself into an alcove, both babies held close to her and an empty space at her feet where they were sure Naomi had been. "Let us help you." eased Kathryn as she reached out taking Kes into her arms. Chakotay took Miral and they both reached out there free hands to help Sam to her feet.

"It's over?" questioned Sam as Naomi made it to her side. Pressing her self tightly into her mother.

Kathryn nodded. "Yes. It's over, thank you for taking care of the children." she said. "We'll be sure Miral gets back to her parents."

Sam smiled. "Alright Captain. If you don't mind though, Could I be in charge of the kids from here on out?" she asked.

Kathryn reached out hugging the younger women to her side. "Only if I can't." she said before they left. Outside in the hall though she broke. Holding Kes to her she leaned back against a bulk head, before she slid down it into the sitting position. Closing her eyes she placed her lips on her daughters forehead and just sat there quietly.

Watching her actions Chakotay was baffled. As a crew men passed by he handed them Miral giving them the instruction of taking her straight to either Tom or B'Elanna. With that done he turned back to Kathryn. "What's the matter?" he asked.

Shaking her head Kathryn took a deep breath, "Nothing now." she mumbled. Finally looking up she locked her eyes on his, "Were safe again for the moment and our family wasn't seriously injured…" pausing she watched as crew men passed by on there ways this way and that. "None of them." she finished.

With a light smile Chakotay nodded. "Why don't I get you and Kes to your corters and then I can see to repairs." he tried as he reached out a hand to help her to her feet.

Looking up from Kes, Kathryn easily stood on her own. "I can get to my corters myself." she said briskly. When Chakotay's fetchers turned hurt she took a quick breath, placing a hand on his chest. "I'm not pushing away or closing you out…" she began, "It's just that I need some more time to ease into all of this. I'm back and I have to get used to that." again she paused before she carefully stood on tip toe and kissed the side of his lips. "Please give me tonight to think some more. I promise, dinner tomorrow night."

Holding back his urge to contradict her he again nodded. "Alright. One night… That sounds fair." he said carefully. Reaching out a hand he gently cupped her face. His eyes meeting hers as he leaned forward, kissing her lightly on the lips. When he pulled back he chanced a look into her eyes, seeing love he sighed before leaning down, kissing Kes on the forehead. "I love you both." he said simply before he made his way to the bridge.

For a long moment Kathryn just stood there and watched the direction Chakotay had went. As she regained her senses she turned toward her corters and smiled down to Kes. "I think your daddy may just be the man mommy fell in love with still after all." she said softly.

Back in her corters Kathryn set in her chair, her legs pulled up underneath herself with Kes cradled in her arms. She gazed out her window at the passing stars as she thought a bit more. She knew she wanted her friend back, she needed her friend back to survive. But could she continue being his lover or even one day become his wife after she saw him with Seven? The women had the mentality on a six year old and yet she had the body of a run way model, any man that could be with her could only be thinking with one thing.

With a disgusted snort Kathryn looked down to Kes who looked intently to her. "I know I shouldn't be so mean to Seven, after all its not her fault your daddy did something he's regretting now." she said evenly. When Kes gurgled and reached her fists up Kathryn smiled. Her daughter never failed to do that to her, make the hurt and anger go away.

Her mind flashed back to before Kes. Back to when she only had him to make her happy. He could tell her moods and he would compensate for them without missing a beat. If she was angry he'd be firm and assertive until they made it to the ready room, there he would have a row with her to let her blow off steam. Or when she was scared, he'd always be there with a strong hand and words of strength. She could always count on him. But just as she did her thoughts jumped back to him on his couch with Seven.

With a frustrated groan she stood and made her way to her replicator. "Now, don't you yell at mommy for this! The doctor will do plenty of it if he finds out!" she cooed to Kes before looking to her wall, "Coffee, black, hot." she ordered.

Taking her cup to her desk Kathryn laid Kes in a small cradle Neelix had replicated for her before she set in her desk chair. Sipping her coffee she absently went through reports as she continued to think over just how far she should… could let Chakotay back into her life. It wasn't something she could decide on a whim, it was something that would effect not only her life but her daughters and her crew… her family.

The next day Chakotay made a detour to the cargo bay on his way to engineering to collect B'Elanna's report. Entering he saw Seven standing at her work station with her back to him. Moving in so the doors would close behind him Chakotay cleared his throat, making her turn. "Commander." she greeted almost robotically.

"Seven." he began, "I just stopped by to tell you that what we had… we can't do any of that any longer." with a pause he looked into her eyes for any emotion. But there were none. "I'm sorry… I love Kathryn and now… now I have a daughter. I just can't risk losing them both again."

With a crisp nod Seven turned back to her console. "What ever you think best for the collective." she said simply.

For a moment Chakotay wanted to yell at her. Demand she act more human. That she needed to feel, something… anything. But he knew he would only get the same response as always. Being human was not something she could do and the things humans did were a waste of energy that should be placed souly on work. With a finale frustrated sigh he turned back to the door. "Good-bye Seven." he said softly before the doors swished open then closed.

Some part of him felt as though he had led her on and that he was betraying her by wanting… no, needing to be with Kathryn. With a quick breath he pushed it out of his mind. He had broke it off and she seemed to have taken it well. Now he would have nothing to come back and bite him in the butt or anything. No more Seska's in the closet so to say.

That evening as Chakotay readied himself to go into Kathryn's corters he again went over the things B'Elanna had warned him not to do. Yet when he stepped through the door everything was swept from his mind when his eyes caught sight of her setting on her couch. She was dressed in a sapphire blue tank and knee high black skirt, while Kes had a deep purple dress on highlighting her darker skin tone. The sight of them nearly took his breath away.

Noticing him hesitating at the door Kathryn stood slowly. She didn't know what to say to him, didn't know where to start. So instead she tilted her head toward Kes, "That's you're daddy." she said softly, making sure Chakotay was in Kes' line of sight.

With a light smile Chakotay moved forward, "Hello, Kesandra." he said simply as he reached down, taking her small hand in his. Looking back up to Kathryn he locked his eyes with hers, both soft and open. "Could I hold her?" he asked softly.

With a nod Kathryn shifted Kes from her arms to his. "I need to replicate the main anyway." she said as she turned away quickly and rushed across the room. Taking a deep breath Kathryn tried to calm her body. Just the simple touch of her fingers on his arm had sent a warmth running through her body. She couldn't let the urges the warmth prevoked take over… Turning back to her table she looked across at Chakotay. He stood just where she had left him, gently swaying back and forth as he crooned softly to their daughter.

Something deep inside of her skipped and she had the overwhelming urge to cry. Just to break down and let all of the tears go that she had been holding onto sense she had gotten back to Voyager. Releasing a shuddered breath Kathryn set the main dish down to the table a bit harder hen she had planned, gaining Chakotay's attention.

Looking up at the noise Chakotay seen Kathryn leaned over the table, one hand on her face. Hurrying over to her he placed a reashering hand on her arm, "Kathryn, are you alright?" he asked.

When she looked up her face was streaked with tears. She blinked back as much as she could before she chewed he bottom lip as she attempted to gather herself. "I'm fine." she began. Her voice quivered and she stopped. Taking a couple more deep breaths she tried again. "I just have such intense emotions right now. The doctor says its normal."

Un sure of just what to do he moved Kes toward her mother, "Maybe she'll help some. I think I heard something about that." he said lightly. When Kathryn took Kes from his hands he wrapped an arm around her shoulders for support before he guided her to her couch. "Why don't we sit down. I'm not too hungry right now and we have so much to talk about that's probly adding to your emotional distress."

Settling on the couch Kathryn was stiff even ridged as Chakotay sat next to her more closely then he would have before. "I feel so stupid." she began. She had to remember. He was her friend… her best friend and her confidant to boot. She should never feel stiff around him. "I'm the Captain of this giant intrepid class ship and here I am crying on a whim just because of how you looked holding Kes in you're arms." she admitted.

With a knowing smile and a reassuring hand on her knee Chakotay locked his eyes on hers again. "Never let your self feel like that! You may be a captain but you're still a women and you don't have to be made of rock." he stressed to her. When she still felt tense under his hand he sighed gruffly. "You do know we are the same people we were before. I'm Chakotay. I'm a former maquie captain on the run from the federation. Your Captain Janeway. Sent to capture me and tote my ass back to the Alpha quadrant…" he began.

With a light smile Kathryn let her body relax. "Funny." she said slowly, "Nice tactic." she complimented as she placed a hand atop of his on her knee. "How do you always do that?" she asked.

His face turning quizzical, Chakotay shook his head, "Do what exactly?" he asked.

"Make me feel better in the blink of an eye. I mean I was just sitting here crying and you say one thing, making me smile." she explained.

With a chuckle Chakotay turned his hand, grasping hers. "Search me. All I know is when your sad it makes me sad and I personally hate that feeling. So I do what I can to make you smile." he explained. Leaning forward he kissed her smiling lips. "Expesily when you do your side smile. It always means some type of mysjif is not far behind."

Feeling herself falling into him Kathryn pulled back. There was still a few things she had to discus with him before she could let her heart go again. "Chakotay. You're my friend. I want you to know that there are a few things that have to happen before we can move on with any type of relationship." she explained.

With a nod Chakotay let his gaze slide to Kes who was falling to sleep in Kathryn's arms. "I agree with you one hundred percent. With one exception." he said softly. Looking back up to Kathryn.

Tilting her head Kathryn let her smile drop. "What exactly would that be?" she asked carefully. Her mind was screaming. He doesn't want to be with her he really wants Seven and to have Kes in his life…

"Can I put her to bed?" he asked.

Hitting the thought breaks Kathryn had to catch up. Put her to bed? What kind of a condition was that? Then her gaze lowered to Kes. Her small eyes were closed. Everything clicked. He wanted to put Kes to bed, not… "Sure. Why not." she said softly as she shifted Kes to his arms. Once he was away from her she put her face into the palms of her hands wanting to scream at the top of her lungs.

Entering Kathryn's bedroom he noted that everything seemed to be just as it had always been. Excluding the baby things scattered here and there. At the end of the bed stood Kes' crib. It was low, no doubt braced to the bed frame. Leaning down he laid Kes among her blankets and one stuffed wolf. With a smile he smoothed her dress before pulling her blanket over her and kissing her forehead. "Great sprits please watch over my daughter and keep her from harm. May she grow to praise you and thank you for all you do." he preyed before he again kissed her forehead before walking back into the main living area. "Snugger then any other baby in the delta quadrant." he reported.

Having looked up when she had heard him enter Kathryn smiled softly to him. "Thank you for wanting her in your life." she said softly. Wanting him to know she acknowledged his attempts at being a father.

With a smile Chakotay took his place next to Kathryn and looked to her intently. "You don't have to thank me for anything when it comes to her. We both made her and if anything I should be thanking you for carrying her and bringing her in to the universe." he said as he again took her hand. "But I know you need to get some things answered and some things off your chest. So here I am. I won't lie and I won't break."

Gripping his hand back Kathryn shook her head. "You don't have to thank me… I had lost hope in having a family, children. You gave me a gift in the form of a beautiful little girl." Sobering slightly she straightened her back. "After the planet… I was scared, confused and I did the wrong thing about it." she began to explained. "I didn't know what I was doing to you. Then I started feeling sick."

"You should have come to me when you felt sick. Just because you're the captain doesn't mean you're not allowed to have sick days." he interrupted.

Shaking her head Kathryn jutted out her chin. "You know me Chakotay." she said simply. Her eyes locked with his as she swallowed. "Why her?" she asked simply. That had been the one thing bugging her all of these months. Why, oh just why had he chose Seven?

Shaking his head Chakotay shrugged, "I'm not really sure on that. Nearly every other thought I had was of you and I had felt like you closed you're door shut to me. Nailing it closed in the inside." he explained. "She showed interest. I took the bait like the man I am." he admitted. "I know I was a complete moron for doing that to you and I wish you would have just pushed me out an air lock."

Gripping his hand tighter Kathryn shook her head, "Never say that ever again." she scolded. Then she cocked her side smile and pulled his hand up just a bit further on her lap. "I may just try that. Stop giving me ideas!" she joked.

At this Chakotay couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah I could just see Tom pulling one of his tricks and just so happen to press the wrong button. The sight of Fly boy floating out in space if pretty funny for me." he said.

Giving a slight chuckle Kathryn sighed, "How does she feel about everything happing now?" she asked. "I won't have her getting angry and trying to take my ship." she said bluntly.

Shaking his head Chakotay placed his other hand on her knee where his first had rested. "She has no feeling toward this like she has no feeling in most everything where humans are concerned." he told her bluntly, seeing it as the best way to go about it.

For a moment she just sat there. She kind of figured that that would be what he said on that subject. But some how she had hoped that Seven had felt something about it, anything. "I don't know what to say." she admitted.

Moving closer to her Chakotay took both of her hands in his. "You could start with saying that you love me and that you could never want anything more then you want me to forever be in you and Kes' life's." he said slowly.

With a soft laugh Kathryn let her body lean against his. "I could." she conceded. Looking into his face she sighed. "You don't know how easy it would be fore me to say that." pausing she searched his eyes. "But, you hurt me… I know worse sense my hormones were already out of whack… But I just can't let you in that easy for myself."

Looking into her eyes he could see fear, sadness, hope and so many other emotions it was hard for him to define one from the other. "I understand. I can wait. I will prove to you that you can trust me with your world again and that I'm panning on being in your life no matter how long it takes!" he assured her. When she only nodded he noticed clear tiredness in her fetchers. "Could I ask one thing of you?" he asked.

Looking to him intently Kathryn tried her best to read him. To find out just what he was up to. But she found she felt far to tiered to do it. "Sure." she finally answered.

"Could I hold you?" he asked. When she looked as though she would argue He quickly spoke again, "You look like you could use some good quiet time some where you feel safe. You once told me my arms was one of the safest places you knew."

With a relenting sigh Kathryn shifted her body. Leaning her back against his chest she laid her head back on his shoulder, her forehead resting against his neck. He wrapped his arms around her body. His left hand clasping her upper right arm and his right holding her right hand resting against her left hip. He laid his cheek against the top of her head and like that they sat, completely forgetting the dinner.

Over the next few weeks Kathryn couldn't figure out how to get much time to herself. Every time she turned around Chakotay was there. Either he was delivering some report or another or he wanted to see Kes. Before she was able to go to her corters and have no problem getting at least a hour to herself, but now she was lucky to get even twenty minutes with just her and Kes. One day Kathryn just couldn't stand it anymore she had to get away, if only for a few hours she had have some piece.

Taking her chance once she was finally able to out maneuver Chakotay she slipped down the corridors and was able to get into her corters. Inside she called for every lock to be placed on her door before she silenced the visitor chime as well. Going into her bedroom she laid Kes onto her bed before she slipped her boots off. Climbing back into the bed Kathryn wrapped her arms and body around Kes. "Let's have some quiet time baby." she murmured before kissing the top of Kes' head. "We don't have to sleep, just lay here." she said as she let her eyes drift closed.

When Chakotay found that he couldn't find Kathryn anywhere he had to remind himself not to panic. Taking a slow deep breath he looked to the ceiling, :"Computer, where is Captain Janeway?" he asked.

"Captain Janeway is in her corters." came the computers brisk reply.

Shaking his head Chakotay began in that direction. Tapping his com badge he quickened his pace. "Chakotay to Janeway." he called. There was no reply. Tapping his Comm again he tried once more. Still no answer. "Chakotay to the doctor." he called finally.

"Yes Commander?" came the doctors reply.

"Can you contact the Captain?" he asked as he hit the turbo lift.

There was a pause before the doctor again replied. "I'm not able to contact the Captain at this time. Would you happen to have any incite on this, commander?" he asked.

Chakotay sighed and shook his head. "I don't know Doctor. I just have this report for her and I can't get her on her comm." he said simply.

The doctor's sigh was heard before he responded. "I'll notify Tuvok and have him attempt contact." he said quickly, "Doctor out."

With another shake of his head Chakotay stopped in front of Kathryn's door. Holding out a finger he pushed her call button. When no one answered he began to think something could be wrong. Pressing the button again he reached out pounded on the door itself. He was now panicking.

Kathryn awoke slowly nearly two hours later. Kes was sleeping soundly next to her. Creasing her brow she wondered just what had woken her from her sleep. She knew she had turned off all call commands and her corters sounded silent. Then she heard it. I light noise coming from her main living area. Easing away from Kes Kathryn slid from the bed and made her way quietly to her living area. Straining her ears she tried intently to hear the noise again. When it did she found it was coming from her door. "Computer, disengage all locks on my corter doors." she ordered.

With a buzzing sound the Computer complied and shortly after the doors slid open. There standing on the other side was Chakotay, Tuvok and Neelix. They all looked worried but Chakotay was the first to enter her corters. "Kathryn… Is everything all right?" he asked quickly as his eyes scanned her main living area.

Unable to keep the look of shock from her face Kathryn shook her head. "Everything is fine Chakotay." she said before her eyes turned to Tuvok and Neelix. "Why do you all look so worried? Is there something wrong? Am I needed on the bridge?" she asked.

Inclining his head toward Kathryn Tuvok stepped forward. "There is no emergency it would seem, Captain." he said in his nearly robotic Volkin tone. "The Commander had assumed something was wrong with you."

Turning to Chakotay Kathryn shook her head. "You panicked because you couldn't contact me and you knew I was in my corters?" she asked smoothly, evenly.

Wiping his palms down the side of his legs Chakotay nodded. "I guess you could say that." he said softly. "Just after you being gone for months… I just don't want anything to happen to you and now you're here where I can protect you…"

Putting up a hand Kathryn stopped any more of Chakotay' rambling's. "Tuvok, Neelix. That will be all. I'd like to speak with Chakotay alone please." she said softly, her eyes never leaving Chakotay. Once her door was again closed her face softened, her Captain's mask falling away as Kathryn showed herself fully. "Chakotay, you can't start a ship wide emergency when you can't contact me and you know I 'm in my corters." she began.

Chakotay nodded quickly, "Yes I know that. It's just that I panicked. You just got back and I've been able to contact you any time…"

Kathryn shook her head again, her expiration that of one dealing with a mijevious puppy. "And I'm sure that's great." she began, "But you have got to under stand that I need time when there is no talking, no nothing." Ending she looked into his eyes.

A light wisp of a smile played over Chakotay's lips as he reached out, taking hold of Kathryn's hand he pulled her toward the couch. "I can do quiet time. " He said softly. "I would like to hold you." he admitted.

Letting a soft smile cross her lips Kathryn thought of all the ways she would like to have him touch her. The night on the planet had been nearly mind blowing. But she knew he meant he wanted to be beside her with his arms around her. "If you'd like to join in on quiet time…" she began as she changed their direction to her bed room door, "It's being held in the sleeping chambers at the moment." she finished with her side smile.

Pulling her back into his arms for a moment Chakotay looked down into her face. "I know I haven't said this nearly enough, I love you." he said lightly.

Taking his face in her hands Kathryn looked deeply into his Chocolate brown eyes, "And I love you." she said simply before she kissed him. Parting they went to her bed room where she curled back up to Kes while Chakotay curled up to her. Like that they slept until they were needed on the bridge hours later.

FIN


End file.
